She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
