Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
