whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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