I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and she was petting her beer can
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
