I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
