So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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