but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
