wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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