How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
