I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize