I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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