Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
