And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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