Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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