you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
