When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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