I heard we made out
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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