I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
