im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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