I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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