put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
