if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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