This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
