is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
