im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
