Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
