Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
