I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
