did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
