I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
