dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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