did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
