remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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