she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
