Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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