I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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