i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm always down for nudity.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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