Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
