Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
