Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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