do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
