just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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