Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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