Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
