Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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