I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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