True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
