did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
