We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
