I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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