What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
