I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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