he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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