I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i will never coherently bang her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
