I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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