He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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