no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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