M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize