i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
