garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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