he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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