My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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