Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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