last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
