That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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