is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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