Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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