its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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