i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
