I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She told me I should be a condom model.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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