there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
