Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
