she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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