I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
